How Do I Get A White Beau?

Just so we are on the same page, this is not a joke. I’m as serious as taxes.

Source: Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always admired interracial couples. From seeing them in films and then in magazines and knowing real life couples like Tamara Mowry and her husband, Adam Housley. Aren’t they just adorable? 
Sadly, some people still frown On interracial couples, but who cares about them right?

Anyway, I’ve always imagined myself, a common girl, married to Prince William because he fell so deeply in love with me. He didn’t marry me, but I’m happy that he married a beautiful soul like Kate Middleton. Yay!

Anyway, I convinced myself over the years that white men don’t like people like me and I gave up hope, but something, I don’t even know what, stirred the dream in me and I know anything is achievable especially if I want it bad enough. And if it’s good for me. 😀

So this makes my ambition official, how do I get a white mate?

I’ve got a few ideas in mind.

Toodles :*

Advertisements

How Do I Deal With Being Sad And Helpless?

As I walked home from church this evening, I felt like I was going to break into tears. The person by my side was part of the reason for the tears I tried uncontrollably to keep at bay. He didn’t know the struggle within me, the part that wanted him to walk with me and the part that wanted him to go away.
Helplessness is a feeling I don’t do well with. The dictionary defines helplessness as being unable to act without help and this is a feeling I most definitely hate. Be it when I’m sick, be in a lack of skill required for the task ahead, or being ill-prepared to handle the situation at hand, the moment I feel helpless, I start to week within me and everything else goes south at that point.
I won’t deny that I may also be hormonal that’s why I’m taking it harder than I would have had I not been, but the bottom line is I am feeling several emotions at the same time which is gradually reducing me to a whimpering fool.
I need your prayers, words of encouragement or just tough love to snap out of this… Lurch I’ve found myself in.

Loving The Wrong Person So Right

I was walking back home from Blessed Plaza. The bike I flagged and climbed suddenly realised he didn’t have change and so I had to dismount and continue by foot, but I was happy; he’d taken me far enough that I could make the rest of the trip by foot.

dark_roseI was walking on the right side of the road, which happens to be the wrong side if you want to look at it the right way. The putrid stench of urine assailed my nostrils so I quickly crossed to the left side, which is the right side for pedestrians, and continued on my merry way.

 

Photo Credit: Petr Kratochvil

I suddenly remembered Isaac (real name), a guy I usually bump into in my hood, and I realised he must be thinking I am so full of it. You see, I was supposed to get back to him, because he’d tried keeping in touch, but I never did 😔. In my mind, I was already battling with trying not to call someone and I honestly didn’t want to call this ‘someone’, but when I got out my 4 inch Silex phone, rather than call Isaac, my fingers seemed to have a mind of their own and they tapped 5-4-6; ‘someone’s’ name came up and I hit the dial button.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been doing quite well; gradually cheering myself up and stepping out of the blues I’d found myself in, but last night something happened that may have caused my mind to delve into the deep darkness of paranoia.

I had a dream… 5-4-6 seemed to have taken a shine on someone else. I was gobsmacked and sad. How could he be doing this? Especially someone at my work place. I surprised myself and made a resolution to thwart all his plans, his attempts and moves (still in the dream). By the end of the dream, I was certain he still had the hots for me. *wide grin*

Almost immediately, I heard his voice from the other end and he sounded so upbeat- ‘Damn you 5-4-6 for sounding so alluring’, but I was chirpy right back at him and trust me I sold it 😁😉 Only one problem though, I was overcome with curiosity… ‘Who are you with?’

I don’t particularly think any one person should know how much another cares for them, but I also advocate for honesty and wearing one’s heart on his sleeves – life is easier that way.
In this case, I know I am arming 5-4-6 with enough ammo to hurt me if he wanted to, but I know he wouldn’t do it (he doesn’t have the heart) and unsurprisingly, he is doing it even without trying.

*sigh*

I wish I didn’t feel the way I do, but I am unsure of how I could change it. My friend, Milk (remember her?), has just said ‘I know 3-4-6 will break your heart’ (not sure how though), but how do you break something that wasn’t whole to begin with?

What do I do? How do you stop loving the wrong person right?

Love, Heartbreaks and Failed Relationships

Some things just never get old and love is one of them. The love that existed decades ago is the same love existing now so If you think the way you feel about someone is new then guess again.

Another thing that never gets old, even though it should, is heartbreak.
The definition of heartbreak which I like is simply ‘Overwhelming Distress’. Wow! Quite apt I’d say. blue heart break
The heartache due to a heartbreak can be from a romantic relationship or even a platonic one. It could be from some family issues or even abstract causes, but nonetheless, the feelings associated with a heartbreak are so intense you may feel it won’t ever end.

My heart is broken. I’ve been here before, but the feeling is new each time and for every time it comes I tell myself, ‘This will be the last time I feel this way‘ but does myself listen to me? Noooo.
My heart is broken. I don’t understand how one minute you care about someone and the next you probably don’t. Is that even possible? I don’t think so, but I always feel so.

I’ve always thought it grossly unfair to share unverified feelings for someone with the person only to realise something could make you want to leave. What happens when the someone returns the feelings? A vacuum, a gaping hole in someone’s heart, is created.

Love should be unconditional, but sadly we don’t get it. The reason why relationships, marriages and friendships fail is because we don’t want to work on our shortcomings.

The best relationship isn’t one without problems, but one where the problems are tackled

I’m prone to rash decisions and I feel like making one. Leaving my mother’s house, throwing caution to the wind and doing the things I told myself I shouldn’t do, but will it fill the gaping hole? Will it?
*sigh*

It’s official! The Attention Junkie May Have Lost Her Social Skills

Could it be that what I feared has come to be? I’d like to think not.
image
I whine to my friends and colleagues about needing a social life, but when faced with it I’d rather pick going home than getting all jazzed up for an event that my leave me feeling bored and running to my bed.
With the time-consuming nature of my job (yes, it’s that draining), I’ve been able to not think so much about what I’m missing except when I see seemingly happy folks, my age, on Instagram or Facebook, having fun.
Despite how I might feel about needing activity and stuff, I do have a problem, but before that I have to take you through a story.
My colleague and friend, let’s call her ‘Milk’, says she doesn’t get how or why her man would call her up in the middle of the day just to know how she’s faring. If it is not a matter of life and death, don’t distract her (She considers it a mere distraction).
After working for a year, I’ve come to understand how annoying it is for someone to nag about you not calling (even guys nag too). I mean, when you are really working you don’t have time for anything else. Only periodically.
Let’s be clear though, I’m not as weird as Milk (Oh Yes! She’s weird). I appreciate the sentiment behind wanting to know how I’m doing, but not to the point where it gets boring.

Now to the first problem
.. the scales have fallen from my eyes and I’ve realised I’m not like that at all.
I want all the mushiness and affection and checking up on me for no frigging reason.
The only reason why, I think, you wouldn’t appreciate someone checking up on you randomly and intermittently is because you haven’t found someone you like. Period!

image
Back in University of Jos, my friends, Dele, Sendi and Charles, used to call me the ‘Attention Wh*¥%e aka Attention Junkie’. I acknowledged it then, but I never owned the title even though I knew in my heart of hearts that sometimes I get restless, without attention, like a teenage boy.

The Main Problem
Someone was showing an interest in me and it was thrilling then suddenly, I jinxed it in my head.
1. I don’t know how to act around someone who likes me. There shouldn’t be a difference right? But short of being too formal I don’t want to come off like a blabbering idiot.
2. I suddenly want him to check up on me regularly. *runs and hides*
OMG! What has happened to me??
3. This isn’t the first suitor (Yes, I said suitor) I’ve had in recent times, but he gets me all hot and bothered. What do I do?
Note; it’s not love or anything deep like that, but I think I like him enough to want his attention.

Take this as me asking for some profound words of wisdom.
Milk thinks it won’t work at all, I agree with her to some extent, but my problem is that I don’t really know how to just ‘be’ around him.
The attention junkie has surfaced and I don’t know how to control her.

CONFESSIONS: My Vacant Heart ♥ 2

I wake up, do the necessary things, go to work, close between 2-5pm, stop at church (if it’s a Wednesday or Thursday), get home, have a late dinner, devotion and then it’s bed time. This is the cycle of my life- a far cry from what it used to be.
Being single is hard. Lonely and eating cakeLooking in from the outside, folks may think we single peeps have it easy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed my singleness, because to be honest I’ve not had the very best track record with relationships, but every once in a year my emotions begin to ask questions and my whole being takes an odd turn.
On Friday the office was a bit scanty- people chose to work from home- so it was just me, aunt Dupsy and Victoria at work.
I began to feel a sort of sadness from within. I cautioned myself against such feelings (I whispered a prayer) and even though it lessened, it still lingered. It didn’t help that I came across a video of a baby’s reaction to his aunt singing his late mum’s song to him on Facebook. So sad and sweet.
On Saturday I woke up ready to work. I planned on doing a post before starting my day officially. This kept me seated till noon and then I had to get ready for the programme in church.

CONFESSIONS: My Vacant Heart

I got to church and the feeling intensified. It was a love Feast programme and I was enjoying it a bit, but at one point in the programme someone tapped my right arm on her way from dropping her offering and said,
“Smile small now”
I suddenly looked around me whilst imaging how my face looked and wondered who else must have been staring at me and wondering, “what’s wrong with her?”
I whispered a prayer again and tried to enjoy the whole thing.
*sigh* Seems like I’m stalling right… I know what the problem is. I think I know though.
image
I’m lonely. Being single is not as easy as it’s made out to be.
When I see happy people who just ‘decided’ to give it a shot I look at my suitors and wonder, ‘why can’t I shouldn’t just give it a shot…’ I’ve tried, but if there’s no spark, if we didn’t ‘Zing’ how can there begin to be a relationship? Help me out here.
I know I should be patient, I am, but this is just one more confession of my vacant heart, I’ve been rudely reminded of my loneliness.