This Is What 31st December Means To Me

​It’s 20 years and yet I cry. I’m not hormonal so I know the tears have to be for him.

I left Anambra on the 31st of December 2016 heading back to Abuja. I took a bus at God Is Good Motors (GIGM) and in the vehicle a woman began to lead prayers. I was oddly comforted by her leadership and flowed with the prayers and songs that followed, but suddenly, I found myself gripped with intense emotion. I was weeping so much and the date hit me.

The dapper man who was my father; Mr Vongjen Rindap

Flashback

By this time last year I was full of thanks and hope. I felt much stronger. But today, which marks 20 years since his passing, I suddenly feel a deep sense of loss.

The Present

I wept and prayed fervently then I settled in for the ride which seemed like it was never going to end.

My mum wrote a post on Facebook, her first about my father, and my cousin’s comment… his comment opened the switch to my tears. He said;

“In our hearts your memory lingers, Sweetly tender, fond and true, Your gentle face and patient smile With sadness we recall You had a kindly word for each And died beloved by all. Your life was a blessing your memory a treasure… You are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure… A thousand times we needed you A thousand times we cried If love alone could have saved you you never would have died A heart of gold stopped beating two twinkling eyes closed to rest God broke our hearts to prove he only took the best never a day goes by that you’re not in my heart and my soul.”

I wasn’t able to read it all because it spoke a truth I wish the world new. A truth about who the man was and who he will always be to me. 

He’s still the most wonderful man I know and I pray he is resting in peace with the lord.

Baba, we miss you more than words could say, more than emotions could express, more than one could articulate.

Baba, we miss you like a child misses its mother, like a song without bass, like cake without sugar. 

Baba, I miss you. I miss you more than I’ll ever be able to say, more than I’ll ever accept and more than I’ll ever even know for everything and everyday reminds me of you and what life could have been with you in it. 

I loved you then and I love you now. 

Happy New Year :* 

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