I wake up, do the necessary things, go to work, close between 2-5pm, stop at church (if it’s a Wednesday or Thursday), get home, have a late dinner, devotion and then it’s bed time. This is the cycle of my life- a far cry from what it used to be.
Being single is hard. Looking in from the outside, folks may think we single peeps have it easy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed my singleness, because to be honest I’ve not had the very best track record with relationships, but every once in a year my emotions begin to ask questions and my whole being takes an odd turn.￼
On Friday the office was a bit scanty- people chose to work from home- so it was just me, aunt Dupsy and Victoria at work.
I began to feel a sort of sadness from within. I cautioned myself against such feelings (I whispered a prayer) and even though it lessened, it still lingered. It didn’t help that I came across a video of a baby’s reaction to his aunt singing his late mum’s song to him on Facebook. So sad and sweet.
On Saturday I woke up ready to work. I planned on doing a post before starting my day officially. This kept me seated till noon and then I had to get ready for the programme in church.
I got to church and the feeling intensified. It was a love Feast programme and I was enjoying it a bit, but at one point in the programme someone tapped my right arm on her way from dropping her offering and said,
“Smile small now”
I suddenly looked around me whilst imaging how my face looked and wondered who else must have been staring at me and wondering, “what’s wrong with her?”
I whispered a prayer again and tried to enjoy the whole thing.
*sigh* Seems like I’m stalling right… I know what the problem is. I think I know though.
I’m lonely. Being single is not as easy as it’s made out to be.
When I see happy people who just ‘decided’ to give it a shot I look at my suitors and wonder, ‘why can’t I shouldn’t just give it a shot…’ I’ve tried, but if there’s no spark, if we didn’t ‘Zing’ how can there begin to be a relationship? Help me out here.
I know I should be patient, I am, but this is just one more confession of my vacant heart, I’ve been rudely reminded of my loneliness.