Love and Honour: The Conflict

The 22nd of August is a date that is memorable, no matter what I do. This is my mom’s birthday, but this year something happened that made me so hurt I was thinking of putting an end to something I do that brings me joy.
On the said day, I went to church for band rehearsal as I always do on Thursdays. On this particular Thursday I was the first person to arrive, but even when others began to saunter in, we waited outside a bit because the women fellowship executives had a meeting. When they noticed our presence, they decided to take the meeting outside and we began our rehearsals.
The rehearsals began on a good note. The song we picked out for Sunday sounded better than I had heard it in a while, but then there was friction when the person conducting decided that the lady leading be given a key instead of allowing her start the song on a key she is comfortable with and then the instrumentalists find her key. I am still growing when it comes to music, but from the little I was taught I know that you don’t give someone a key. When you do that you have eliminated some chance of the song sounding as good as it could.
Anyway, at the end of the rehearsals when the person conducting was speaking, I debated within myself on if I should say a few words. I wanted to speak cos I was feeling like I had been turned to a noise maker. The suggestion I had made in regards to not giving someone a key was because if that key isn’t comfortable for the person, he or she will inadvertently change it at some point. That was exactly what happened after I said it so by the time the rehearsal had ended, I was feeling like no one appreciated my input and wanted to reiterate what I said and suggest ways of making it easier. To my utmost surprise, someone sniggered while I was speaking. I couldn’t help but ask if he was reacting cos I was talking and he opened his eyes wide saying, “no oh”. I sat abruptly without finishing what I was saying and just couldn’t wait to be home. I suddenly wondered why I even bother talking at all. The leader wanted to respond to what I said, but due to my temper beginning to rise, I suggested he just let it go and proceed with prayers cos I knew my feelings were sore already. To my utter disbelief again, this same guy actually uttered the words, “this girl ehn!”. My head reeled backwards. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I turned and went, “excuse me?” And he said, “yes na, no be today”. On a normal day I wouldn’t let someone like him get at me cos he hardly ever makes pertinent suggestions in the band, but this particular day, my emotions couldn’t take it. I felt like the church was closing in on me. Like the air was no longer sufficient to breathe so I quickly annouced my apologies and left, somewhat in a huff.
Amongst the sea of emotion raging in mind, the one that is foremost is whether I made the right decision to speak or not. Should I be crucified for saying my mind? What do I do at this point?
I am so distraught that I kept seeing this scenario when I tried to close my eyes and sleep. It has got me questioning myself and if I want to still be a member of this wing. It is my contribution to the gospel so I’m wondering if I’m not making a rash decision. Should my decision be based on this one fellow? I know I can’t go back and take a back seat, of what good would I be? I don’t stand by and watch things happen. It is in my nature to be part of the people making things happen so instead of being passive, I’d rather not be a part of it. What do I do now? *sigh* God direct my path.


2 thoughts on “Love and Honour: The Conflict

  1. Am surprise that you are contemplating quitting… Quitters never WIN. You want to quit just because of a little provocation?

    Perhaps, you were provoked just to improve your anger management. We will be tested in all facets of our lives and if we are not careful, we might fail the test.

    I suggest you remain part of the group and keep contributing to its growth.

    Warm regards


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